If you happen to speak with me, sometimes you will hear more silence than words. You may find it a little awkward if you don’t know me, specially on the phone. It doesn’t mean I get bored or I don’t know what to say. Don’t bother! My moments of silence, sometimes my with eyes closed, happen because I breathe. Indeed, I have decided to follow two principles: breathe before speaking, speak only with permission.
Breathe before speaking
Taking the time of a long breathing before speaking allows me to engage in a quest for words and answers that the inner autopilot will never offer. Platitudes, certitudes coming from the doxa, behaviors imposed by politeness or morals don’t interest me. The autopilot knows very well how to defend those lines, it gives us the illusion to operate as a complete and congruent system. Breathing deactivates these mechanisms. I can become again present to myself, to my body, my emotions, my true self. I can contemplate other possibilities, welcome crazy ideas, listen to the inner child, put on my clown nose, let soul spring up, allow inspiration. With years of practice, every long breath has become a meditation. I meditate a good part of the day while in motion. Don’t you think that inspired action offers a little more potential than autopilot?
Sometimes I don’t allocate time for this breathing, usually because I want to say something really stupid (good at it!). Also when this breathing may create too much disturbance, I prefer to play by the good old social codes, at least until I can clarify my behavior to the person.
I speak exclusively with permission, one when someone asks me. When I get interrupted, which of course happens a lot, I stop and let the person speak. If he/she doesn’t want or need to listen to me anymore, why should I force? I give the floor back and offer my listening, very simply. Gift economy means that too.
From the collective intelligence perspective…
From the social engineering perspective, these two transformed social codes — breathing before speaking, and speaking only with an offered floor– work like modified social DNA. In fact I precisely apply the six agreements.
Although I do not procelytize and I only apply this social genetics to myself, it has a strong collective and individual impact. For me: happiness nourished by the pure joy of breathing, and from enjoying the peace of non-competitive speaking. For the collective: this practice triggers trust, kindness and listening. Who needs to get irritated or distrust a person who remains neutral, and only offers his/her word when asked? People never listened to me as much before I applied these principles.
I have coached many groups who decided to operate from the six principles. Their testimony leaves no ambiguity. Everything shifts: their decision making process, their way to flesh out problems, to manage their relationships, social dynamics, ideas, solutions…
And you? Want to try? Why don’t you share your experience in the comments below?
[stextbox id=”info” bgcolor=”F8F2EF” bgcolorto=”F8F2EF”]I wrote this text in e-prime. As a non-native English speaker, it takes a lot of efforts for me to write like this. No matter what, it needs some improvements and corrections from a native English person. If you feel like helping on this, please contact me![/stextbox]
UNITED AIR WAYS
Taking the time of a long breathing before speaking allows me to engage in a quest for words and… http://t.co/HPAuypDWDX
Thank you very much Jean!!
We (my couple and me) love expanding our breath as a new way of living. In fact we work with it (joined with responsible and creative emotional communication and mutual trust) as powerful weapon of personal and social transformation.
I am sure that you and him will recognize into each other’s breath… in my personal case I should say it is not really fully integrated yet, ’cause -as you have shared- is not so easy for me to sustain my breathing while I’m speaking or listen as I would love jajajajajaja -maybe after reading you I founded the last impulse I was requiring- but I’m persistently focused on that, cause I’m very grateful to all the amazing changes that breathing has brought into my “being”, my body, my life, my family and my relations and I want to honor that with each one of my inhalations
We’ll be very please to meet you and share with you our breaths
Thank you so much for sharing…
PD. Excuse my english, spanish is actually my language
Thank you so much for your testimony Gigiana. Puedes escribir en español si quieres.
[…] architectures, through one example: breathing. I also wrote about this theme in the article United Air Ways. What would happen if, rather than interrupting each other and leaving no space for silence during […]
[…] them available for you if you want. I can offer the subjective mirror of my inner truth, with your permission, of course. Not altering or toning down this inner truth implies I don’t subdue myself to […]